After a night of struggle, mom took her last breath on earth this morning.
We knew it wouldn't be very long, as her breathing was very labored all day yesterday.
All my sisters came yesterday to spend the day with mom and to start working on all the arrangements that needed to be done. It was actually a very wonderful day as we reminisced about mother's life, reading journals and looking at old pictures. Being together and being able to talk and laugh about our childhood did my heart good.
We planned what we thought she would want for her funeral...I think it's going to be pretty special...speakers, music (that's going to be the tough one...hope we can all be strong to sing the way she would like) prayers, pall bearers...lots to think about.
We also wrote her life sketch. I don't know how you sum up such a extraordinary life on a page. Just listing her endless talents would take pages... but she was also about the most humble person I know. Never showy or loud. She was always so grateful for any little thing we would do for her and thank us over and over. When I would help her get into bed at night, she would say "thank you so much for everything you've done for me today!" She truly had an amazing life filled with love, charity and service to others.
Last night before I was going to go to bed, I tried to make her more comfortable by moving her to a different position and putting some cool water on her lips. I could hear her breathing was becoming more labored.
I went up to bed but couldn't sleep, so after a little while, came back down and sat with her. I raised her bed up some to try to ease her breathing and it seemed to help a little.
It's kind of like watching your newborn baby...you just want to make sure they keep breathing.
I was in and out of her room all night...watching, praying, waiting.
At one point, her breathing became so loud and fast, I just wanted to shake her or hug her or scream or something to make it stop. I laid my head on her arm and could feel her whole body just straining so hard to take each breath.
I held her hand and talked to her till early morning...praying that she would be released from her tired body soon.
About 4:00 am, I went up to bed to try to sleep a little, but just laid there listening to her monitor.
About a 6 :15 am, I could hear her breathing changing. It was becoming slower and fainter. I ran downstairs cause the way she sounded was hauntingly similar to the way Kelley's mom sounded right before she died. ( I will never forget how she sounded)
When I walked in her room, there was a sweet peaceful feeling there. I don't think we were alone. I sat down next to her on the bed and took her hand...it was warm....? (her hands and legs had been so cold these past few days.) She had a calm look on her face as she took two more breaths, than stopped.
Somehow, it wasn't horrible. I couldn't feel anything but joy for her as she left her tired old body and her spirit was free to soar and dance and sing and laugh again. I thought of how happy daddy would be to have his better half (he would say) at his side again. They were always together in every aspect of their lives before he passed and I can't even imagine the joy of that reunion.
Kelley came down and held me and we cried...not for her, but for us to have to be without her.
I called my sisters to let them know. Bittersweet, as we were all grateful she didn't have to struggle very long.
Talked to my girls...so grateful for each of them and the loving support they have given to me.
I called hospice to let them know, they said they would send the nurse over right away.
Cheryl is out of town so I met a new nurse that was very kind. She cleaned mom up and fixed her hair a little. She offered to help make any calls or help with anything.
I called the mortuary in Logan and they said they had people in Salt that would come pick mum up and take her to Logan.
About an hour later, two nice young men from the mortuary arrived. They were very kind and compassionate. They asked if I wanted to take mom's wedding ring and keep it with me and I said yes....wearing it now. They gave me some time to tell mom goodbye before they took her away....promising me they would take very good care of her.
I know that she is already in the best care possible...in the loving arms of the Savior.
6 comments:
I'm not sure how I even came across this blog---but I was so very touched by this post. What a wonderful thing is it to know about the Plan of Salvation...that we can be with our families forever. Best to you and your family...
What a sweet blessing it was for your Mum to be with you and your family these last few months! How special you all are! Love ya so much and so grateful for your example. Your Mum & Dad taught you so well! Hugs to each of you during this time! XOXO
That was a beautiful post! I am so glad you were with her when she passed through the veil. I can only imagine the joy that grandpa had. I am so grateful for your love through the last few months with her. I hope I can get through the funeral too. Maybe if I picture them sitting on the swing in the gazebo holding hands.... love ya
Paula,
My condolences to you and your family. Thank you for taking such wonderful care of her these last few months. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to get to know such a wonderful woman. She truly was one of the sweetest women I have had the priviledge of meeting. I'm sure she is smiling down on you and your sisters, holding hands with your father. I'll keep you and yours in my prayers.
Oh mom, you are truly an angel as you were raised by one too. See you in a few days. xoxo
Reading your post brought back so many memories for me--thank you for sharing such tender feelings about such a giant-hearted woman. She lives on through you while she lives on in her new sphere!
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