Doesn't mom look beautiful today.

Rebecca came for her last visit this morning. This is hard.

She can bring mom back when she seems to be disconnecting from us.

This morning when we went into mom's room, she was laying there staring at the ceiling.

I tried to talk with her but she just looked right through me.

Rebecca gets right up in her face and says "Jean...you look confused...do you know where you are?" Mom says "no."

Rebecca sits on the side of her bed and takes her hands. "Well, you are at Paula's house in Salt Lake. She has been caring for you for four months. I am Rebecca and I love to come visit you and help you get ready for the day. It's May fifth and it's a beautiful new day. I'm so glad I could be with you today!...I love you Jean!"

Mom seemed to be more content after that.

While Rebecca was fixing moms hair, I was asking Rebecca if she had any ideas of things mom could eat. She had a pretty bad day yesterday as far as that goes. For breakfast, I tried to feed her some cheerios, she acted like she was hungry and took two bites. Then she started gaging like she was going to throw up. I feel so bad for her cause you can tell she is wanting to eat, but just can't.

For lunch, I tried a tuna sandwich and potato salad. She chewed on the tuna sandwich bite for a minute, then spit it out. She tried to swallow the potato salad, but started gagging again.

She did drink a few swallows of Ensure but pulled a awful face. Don't think she likes it.

For dinner, I made her some tomato soup... She seemed to really like it and ate about three bites, but then started gagging again and said "no more".
When I was helping Rebecca get her on the toilet this morning, I was shocked at her skininess. I mean I knew she was losing weight, but suddenly, she looked really really thin.

So when I asked Rebecca about it, she said sometimes when people are declining, they have trouble swallowing...that reflex just isn't working anymore.

She said to keep trying soft foods and liquids, but not to worry too much when she doesn't eat. She said she isn't feeling like she is starving, and doesn't have an appetite anymore. She said it's just the body's way of beginning to shut down.

Before Rebecca leaves, she tidies up mom's room and the bathroom, then comes and gives mom a kiss on the cheek and tells her that she loves her....mom says "I love you too"

Bawling (again) I'm so grateful for the time we have had with her and the special, loving care she has given to mom. She will be dearly missed.

I wanted to thank her is some way, so I made this pillow for her...it wasn't hard to choose the sentiment for her.