"Home"

I've been putting off and avoiding doing this post....not sure why...maybe because once it is said, then it will become all too real and final that mom is gone.

These past few weeks have been full of sweet tender moments that I never want to forget though, so I need to write....

I have been completely over whelmed by the kindness of friends and neighbors and extended family....as soon as word got out of mother's passing, cards, sweet notes, texts, flowers, plants, and food, started coming. We have the dearest friends....their words of comfort and compassion have meant so much to me.

In Young Women, the girls and leaders gave me the sweetest card and a Willow Tree statue called "Remembrance" that is so beautiful! So grateful for our wonderful ward family and their love and support!

Our dear friends brought another Willow tree statue...this one of a woman holding a heart...then with a sweet card with the saying " A mother holds your hand for a while, your heart forever" That was so special to me.

People are just so thoughtful... not saying anything or asking if they could, but just bringing food cause they knew we were having family coming in. That was really appreciated!

How blessed we are to have such good people in our lives.

Katie had flown to Arizona to attend Kellen's graduation on Saturday, (this deserves much more than a p.s. and I go into it more later, but for now......HOORAY! and all our love and congratulations for a job well done Kellen for passing the bar!) then she drove up with Camille's family and got here Sunday night. It was so good to be with them again!

Monday dawned cold, and rainy and it continued throughout the day. The morning flew by and before we knew it was time to head up to Logan. I had told Teina I would come help her with mom's hair. We were kind of worried about how it would look, because she had really needed a hair color, but I kept putting if off cause she was having trouble sitting up that long....and also when you first do her hair color, it is really bright red..then after a few washes, it calms down to a real pretty color.We asked the mortician if they could touch up her roots, he said he thought they could.

When Teina, Katie and I went over there, they had already done her hair beautifully. I don't know how they did it, but her hair was just the perfect color.

It was kind of surreal to walk into that room and see her lying there in the casket. She looked so small. They had used some darker eyebrow pencil on her that made her not look like herself, so we asked the mortician if they could fix that and also put on a little lipstick.

We made a few changes to the program, then went back home to get ready for the viewing.

Leslie and Brenda were there and we went through our songs.

They went pretty well for not singing them together for I don't know how many years.

( but then we were not having to look at anybody, or at mom's casket in front of us)

Camille's family and Candice were coming up to Logan about 5:00 and we all headed over to the mortuary.

They had delivered the flowers we had ordered and they were so beautiful. Mom's casket spray was just perfectly her....pretty spring flowers...tulips, daisy's, snap dragons, delphinium and lily's...really nicely done....I'm going to have to send the florist a thank you.

They had also fixed mom's make up. It was like night and day. Her skin looked so pretty, her eyebrows were just right and she had a pretty light pink lipstick on. She looked very peaceful and beautiful.

People started coming and there was a steady line of friends and family all night. People I hadn't seen from the neighborhood for at least 30 years came through the line. How great to see these wonderful friends of mom. We heard time after time from young and old... "I loved your mom!" Bryan and Carla, Merrilee, and Tony and Marsha came all the way up there to support our family. What special friends! It was a great night of reminiscing and celebrating of mom's life. Lots of laughter and tears...

After everyone had left, we just stood there looking at mom...not really wanting to leave her there alone....

So grateful for these girls....They were so thoughtful and helpful to me....just doing what ever I needed done and being there to hold me up.

We got home about 10:30 and went to bed. I think everybody was just wiped out.

Got up early Tuesday and asked Kelley if he would give me a blessing. I really felt like I needed some extra help to make it through this day. I've been so worried because I've had this stupid cough that gets going when I try to talk, I was so afraid once I started giving my talk I wouldn't be able to stop coughing. I was pretty worried about being able to sing too. I get so emotional when I sing those two songs...especially "Home" I couldn't get through it when we practiced the day before, so I asked him to bless me to be able to hold it together. He gave me a sweet blessing and I felt like everything was going to be ok after that.

We went right up to the old church house. All the family was just getting there. People started coming right away...it was so great to see cousins and relatives I hadn't seen for years. Sad to think this is what it takes to get us together....I haven't been very good at getting to the reunions the past few years so that's my fault. I'm gonna do better.

I was overwhelmed when I looked up to see Dama, Judy, JoAnn, and Sharalee coming through the line. Such special ladies...Then Stacey and Rick came through...can't begin to tell how great and supportive they have been to me. Then Bishop and Diane came through. I just couldn't believe they would drive so far to show their support and love to our family...they have already done so much.

This whole experience has made me vow that I will try to be a better, kinder, more compassionate person.

People were still coming, but it was time for the family prayer, so they shut the doors and Kelley gave such a tender prayer. He was pretty emotional, but did a real good job.

Then they gave us a few minutes to say goodbye to mom....Can't explain very well how that felt...I feel like I have been talking to her in my head from the moment she left her tired old body...."you did so good mom...you were so strong and brave mom...thank you for staying with us, and for all the things you taught us ...thank you for being such a wonderful mom and for your great example to me of what I want to be...I'm so glad that I get to be your daughter forever...I'm so happy for you to be with daddy again...I miss you...I love you...I'll see you later..."

A million thoughts went through my head, but mostly, as they closed the casket, I just felt overwhelmed with gratitude for the knowledge we have that this is not goodbye, but just "I'll see you later" I don't know how people who think this is the end can stand it.

There was a sweet feeling there as they started the program. Alan gave a real nice prayer, then Julie read her life sketch. Angie told about some favorite memories from the grand kids. It was really sweet and brought up some great memories of the good times all the grand kids remember with grandma. She really was just the best grandma!

Then all the grand kids and great grand kids went up and sang 'I have a garden, Grandmothers, and I am a child of God.' We had been worried about these first two songs because none of the grand kids had heard them before and only had a short time to learn them.

Well when they started to sing, it was just perfect. The little ones sang out loud and the older ones backed them up. It was really pretty special..." I wish every child in the whole wide world had a grandmother just like you!"
I think my girls had a harder time with " I am a child of God...those words really pull at your heart ...

Then Steve Flammer spoke. He was mom's home teacher for years. He warned Brenda when she asked him to speak that he knew he would get up there and bawl. Well, he did, but it was ok. It was really sweet the way that he loved mom, and he had some good stories about her.

Then us girls went up and sang "In the garden" We were all pretty emotional. I tried to not look at anybody or think of the words, but I kept having flashbacks of mum sitting there listening to us sing this song, coaching us and praising us when we finished. She loved this song.
Then it was my turn to talk....not easy after singing....had to take lots of deep breaths... I felt pretty calm though and was able to express my feelings with only a few melt downs. I know I was being held up and felt grateful for the blessing Kelley gave me.
After I talked, we sang "Home"... mom's other favorite. That one was hardest for me....the memories of singing that song are most precious and dear to my heart.

Brenda talked after that and did such a good job. She brought up some great memories that had us laughing and crying.

Mom's funeral truly was a joyful celebration of her wonderful life.

I think what stuck in my mind was something Steve Flammer said. Mum and daddy just went through their lives.... quietly doing good and serving others...a friend to all who met them.

How cute is my mom?

The bishop finished up with a few remarks, then Lynn gave a beautiful closing prayer.
We filed out behind the casket as LuDene played "God be with you till we meet again" on the organ.

What could be better than the comforting knowledge we have that

...He will be.