Arizona

The thermometer was telling us we were at the gates of hell, but I feel like I spent the last six days pretty close to heaven.

These pictures are pretty self explanatory, so I will just chime in when needed
My first experience at In and Out burger...like I said...HEAVEN!Liv likes to play "dress up" with Sam... this involves getting lots of clothes and blankets and stuffed animals and things and covering him up with them. I would walk in the room and just see this big pile of things. Didn't think anything of it till it started making noise. " Are you in there Sam?"
Sam is the best natured little guy and thinks Olivia is pretty entertaining, so he just sits there and smiles while she plays with him.Camille and I went to Scottsdale on Friday....had a good time shopping without the kids...thanks Kellen!
We saw this out fit and thought it looked just like something Candice would like, but when Camille tried it on, it was weird.We picked up Kate Friday night. It was wonderful to be able to spend that time with her.She always brings something fun for Liv....Olivia books! Sam liked the wrappings We played out in their pool on Saturday....pretty much too hot to do anything else!
Then we went to see 17 Miracles movie, which had just opened in Arizona.
Sold out.
So we bought tickets for the later movie and went to the mall.

Did a cute (kind of wild) braid in Liv's hair. I miss doing that! And Olivia is so good and sits perfectly still (unlike her naughty mom and aunties that would cry and wiggle and try to get away) while I did it!

We baked

More dress up...that's Camilles' swimsuit Sam is wearing

I love this kind of Forest Gump pose they are doing here.

All for one and one for all!

Had some quality play time with Olivia

Tuesday was really hot...114. We decided to go up to this lake not to far from their place. It was real pretty, but rocky around the shore and no place to sit down that wouldn't burn your bottom, so we went down below the lake to this river and played in the water there.

Sam is into Yo Gabba Gabba

His first cute little tooth

We went out Monday night about 10:00 and swam. Wonderful and warm! I could sure enjoy the nights and winters in Arizona.

Kellen was looking around for scorpions that night in their yard and found one with the black light. It was pretty cool to see how bright they glow. Creepy but cool.

Liv, playing dress up on herself with my clothes.

Well, that is all. The time went by all too quickly. I sure hated saying goodbye. I had such a nice time...It was wonderful to just be with them.

It was good to see Kelley though...missed him a lot. Came home to a happy Lizzy jumping all over me, a perfectly clean house, a very cute husband and flowers waiting for me. I don't know what I ever did to deserve him. Next time I hope we can go together...then it would be heaven!

This and that from the last few days...

These are just a few pictures Camille sent me ...can't wait to see this little guy in person!...three days!

Kelley built me these cute planter boxes to replace the old gross ones that were hanging on the patio wall.... I got them all planted...Lizzy approves

Been having lots of fun planting and fixing up the rock garden.

Saturday I got to spend another delightful day with my sisters.

We spent the whole day going through the dresser in the east room.

It was full of all of mum's music. There was a lot!...I think she has collected a lot of sheet music from Aunt Dyrene and Aunt Pat when they passed away. There was even sheet music that I think daddy must have gotten right after his mission..."Take me back to Old Tahiti!" and other old songs with just guitar music in it.

We found sheet music for all of the old songs we sang together over the years....going clear back to some of the first songs mum ever taught us. How much fun to reminisce and sing those old songs again!

There was even music that we sang in high school choir that we all loved.

Brenda has such a good memory and could remember little things about when we sang all these different songs...like whose wedding or funeral or club party it was and funny things that happened while we were singing. What a hoot! I haven't laughed that much in a long time.

There were drawers and drawers full of music, so we would just spread a bunch out on the table and we would take turns picking one.

There was a lot that we all had special memories of so we are making copies of those for all of us.

She had a lot of really old books of music that were really funny! They used to write some silly songs!

This one talked about how her husband was so small that she could keep him in a tea cup, but she would let him out once in a while and hold him in her hand....what?

She also had some really cool old church music and books. A lot of music from Gleaners and MIA. I think they had a lot more fun back then...putting on plays and musicals and road shows. We found a few of those scripts too.
There were some hymn books and Sunday School music books and primary song books that were from early 1900's...really neat!

Then we went through the drawers that mum had filled with fun things for the grand kids. They all knew where to go to find a story book for grandma to read to them.

I think that pulled at our hearts more than anything...remembering mum playing with our kids and grandkids.
Brenda let me borrow her pioneer dresses again...yup, we're going on trek again.

Three of the ma's that had been called in January got pregnant, so they had to find some replacements. President Mendenhall called us in a few weeks ago and said at this late date, they needed to get some people who kind of knew what they were doing and since we had gone 4 years ago, he wondered if we would be willing.... well sure we will.

I thought this would be a once in a life time experience...it was really hard...probably one of the physically hardest things I've ever done, but an amazing experience. I learned a lot while I was on the trek...I think the best thing I learned though, was that with God's help I can do hard things.

That knowledge has helped me and strengthened me many times in the past four years....especially in the past six months.

I was sure glad that Kelley could spend the day fishing with his dad Saturday. Kelley has asked his dad to go fishing lots of times, but he has never been able to go, so when he said Yes, Kelley was really excited. ( they got a later start...thanks for going to trek meeting and representing for both of us before you left!)

The boat has been in the shop getting fixed for a couple weeks... (small mishap with the changing of the fuel filters...just sayin....) Anywho...it sounds like they had a fun day!
When we went over to visit on Father's day, he told us all about it...caught one thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis big!

He is such a good guy and amazes me every time I see him. He was telling us how their roof had been leaking, so he got up in the attic to see where the water was getting in...then he got nervous thinking that if he got stuck or died up there, nobody would ever find him till he started to stink...so he decided to get down and wait till someone was there with him to fix it. Ha! He is so awesome! He still does so much and his mind is as sharp as ever! 91 years young!

I hope Kelley got his genes!

Really people???

It's ok if school is hard. Trying to sign up for school should not be so hard!
Trying to get KC registered for school has been ridiculous.
KC asked us if we would get him registered at SLCC because if would be getting home just a few weeks before school started. He told us what his major and minor would be and I checked with the U to see what classes could be transferred over when he gets his associates degree. Ok...ready to register...
So I get onto SLCC website. Ok...first you have to make a home page for student. Didn't he already have one? He went to school for a year there before his mission. Yes, he did have one, but I have to have his student ID number to get into it. Alright...I'll just go over to the school and explain that KC is far far away, and I have looked through all of his papers in his room and can't find any student ID number.
So I go to the school. I don't really know where anything is there, so I wandered around for a while, then asked someone where I should go. Get up to the admissions desk and came up against a lady that was clearly too busy to help me. I explained the whole story...don't have KC's student ID number...want to get him registered...he is far far away.
The lady I was talking to had completely lost interest in what I was saying and was quite put out that I was taking up her time, and of course...I should have known all this...she wasn't going to be able to help me! She said I would have to have a signed letter from him faxed or mailed directly to them stating that I could have access to his records.
Ok...I can do that. So the next email I sent him, I told him what was going on. He wrote the next day and said he had his student card and gave us the number. Woooo hoo! Now I was set!
So I get back on the Internet and put in his ID number....next question...drivers license number. Hmmmmmm. Nope. Don't have it. Alright I will have to ask him the next week about that.
So then he gives me that in his next email. Alright...now I'm in!
I had Candice come over to help me cause she's done this for her own school and knows how to do it. We get that far into his registration again and, lo and behold... there is one more security step...the secret question! ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? KC had written for his security question..."What does a benthos eat?"
Candice and I looked at each other and just started laughing! What in the world is a benthos? This has gone way beyond frustrating and aggravating...Now it's just funny!
It wasn't very funny when Candice and I were telling Kelley about it and he said something lame like...Why don't you just go over to the school and sign him up? Like...it's easy...just go over there and do it! I wanted to poke him in the eye and said "why don't YOU go over to the school and sign him up?????" Oh man I was fired up!
So the next day, Candice spent her lunch hour with me over at the community college. She is a peach! Luckily we got to talk to a different lady this time. We explained everything that had happened, and told her all the information we did have. At first, she was just like...."We can't do anything without his signed permission. I showed her one of his emails that said he had given his permission for me to have access to his records. She said "well, it's not signed." I was like..."look...he signed it, love elder Jensen!!!! that's the best he can do in an email!!! I think she could see I was about to snap, so she said..."give me a minute...I'll see what I can do."
She came back after a few minutes and said that because it had been more than two years since he had been to school there, he would have to test in math and english before he could take any of those classes. ...also we would have to redo his home page with a new password.
Ok...we can do that! So we went over to a computer there in the admissions area and tried to get him set up. It kept coming up and saying he had to test before he could register for classes. So we went and talked to her again. She said she would try to reset that part so we could get by it. She went back and tried to reset it 3 times, then it said ok. So we try to proceed. Now it says we can only register between July 11 and November 11. WHY???????????
So we go talk to her again. She goes into the back room again and about 15 minutes later, comes out and says "wow! this has been hard!" She had put in some incorrect information, but had fixed it and said to give it one more try. I was so glad Candice was there with me! She just typed in all the information... zip zip (It would have taken me about 45 minutes and at least 10 more questions for the lady working there) and we were in!
By this time, Candice was way over her lunch hour, so we decided to finish up at home.
I guess I just don't get why they make it so hard ( and expensive) for kids to get into school. It's not like they are trying to steal something or do something illegal....they are trying to further their education...this is a good thing... right?

I'm not gonna lie...I've been down in the dumps lately.
But it's pretty hard to stay there when your surrounded with things like this...

No, I haven't been with my cute grand kids....but I'm going to be!!!!
Besides just dying to be with them, one of the things the grief counseling packet suggested doing to get out of the funk was to try to have something good to look forward to...well I booked my flight last night and I'm very much looking forward to seeing Camille's sweet family and relaxing by the pool in sunny Arizona!.

I'm going to eat him!

Kelley and I have been working out in the yard quite a bit (finally!) and I had forgotten how much pleasure I find in just digging around in the dirt.

All the plants have been slow in growing and blooming this year...(No Sun!) but they are starting to snap out of it now too.I wish I had smellavision so I could capture the scent of these Iris.

I'm pretty sure this is what heaven will smell like.
They have filled my whole house with this glorious intoxicating scent!

Ok, this was pretty funny... Lizzy has been shedding like crazy the last little while...I know...even more than her normal freakishly sheddy self.

I guess with the warmer weather, her fur's gotta come out. Anyway, yesterday, after vacuuming up a whole container full of fur, (I'm not exaggerating) I decided to give her a good brushing.

I went went out in the back yard and called her...she usually comes running right away. It took her a few minutes to come around the corner of the house and she had that look in her eyes like "I'm a bad dog...yup, I've been bad" I was like "Lizzy where have you been?" ...(yes I've been carrying on conversations with the dog again, since there is no one here to talk to! shes a good listener!).

She was all about being a very good dog and sat very still while I started brushing her. She loves to be brushed and sits there quite nicely ( with a few thank you licks thrown in) and doesn't even try to run away. I went over her fur at least five times and still the fur was coming out. I had quite a pile of fur by this time. (don't you wish there was something constructive you could do with dog (or in Candice's case, cat) fur? Like knit it into a blanket or use it for insulation or something? I mean I have disposed of at least a truck load of dog fur in her furry life time.
Anyway, while I was going over her one more time, I heard the phone ring. I instructed Lizzy to "stay" and ran in the house. It was Merrilee. She asked me why I was out of breath. (ok, I'm out of shape...I admit it...but I did run fast!) I told her I was outside brushing Lizzy.
She said "oh good...that's why I was calling... Are you ok?"

hmmmm yes...why?

She said Lizzy had come running down to her house. Holly's kids were outside playing and Lizzy came running up to them like she was trying to get them to follow her. They were pretty sure Lizzy was channeling Lassy and coming to tell them that I was in trouble and needed help!

Those kids are so funny! They come over sometimes when they are visiting grandma to play with Lizzy. Hannah is pretty scared of her...can't blame her...Lizzy knocked her down and started licking her one time while they were running around. Lizzy probably looks as big as a horse to her! But she keeps coming back. Jeffery just loves Lizzy and they have fun chasing around the yard and playing catch...( although Lizzy has never quite got the part where she gives the ball back to you)

Anyway, all assured I was ok and not pinned under a fallen tree in the back yard with wolves lurking and snarling nearby... all is well! We had a good laugh over that. Gross right? It's almost like a whole other animal there!

This is also pretty funny.
Soooo, a little while ago, when I was really feeling the effects of this drug Dr. Rothe has me taking, (irritability, anxiousness...that sort of thing) I had a moment where I snapped.
Kelley is not really an annoying person...he does very few things that get on my nerves.
But on this day...I was annoyed! I had been outside planing flowers in the front yard
and kept finding rubber bands from the newspaper all over the place.

Yup...this is his annoying thing...he picks up the newspaper in the morning...removes the rubber band that secures it, and just tosses it where ever! Annoying... right? like the people who just drop their cigarette butts on the ground. Do they think they are going to just magically disappear or is it that they just don't care? ( I'm getting fired up just thinking about it!) deep breath.

Anyway, so after I had picked up about 10 of these rubber bands, I went in the house and let Kelley have it! I told him that it really bugged me that he would just throw the rubber band on the ground!...( He is not normally a liter-er)

I think he was quite amused at how fired up I was, but tried to not laugh in my face. He said he would try to find other things to do with the rubber bands. Oh dear.

So ever since then, this is what I wake up to every morning...

One day I texted him that I thought he could be a little more creative, but then instantly regretted it. He is not one to be trifled with as far as a challenge goes. I'll keep you posted on how that goes...

It's been 1 month today since mom passed away.

I think of her and miss her about a hundred times a day.

The grief counselor from Rocky Mountain Care sent me a packet on dealing with her death today... hmmmmmm this would have been really cool to have about four weeks ago when I was pretty sure I was going crazy.... I was really scaring myself ( and I imagine my family too,) that week after she died.

A few examples... I was going to meet Candice at The Rack in Sugar House...I missed my exit and ended up somewhere up by the mountains... I had to call Candice and tell her I was lost...then it still took me about an hour to find my way there. When I pulled up, Candice just looked at me like...mom's lost it... "It's ok mom...that happens to everyone...I was hardly waiting at all...the streets are really confusing up here" and lots of other nice things like that.

Then the next day, I was trying to find a dress to wear to the funeral, so I went out to South Town mall. I parked down by Maceys and started making my way through the stores...I looked and looked till I just couldn't look anymore. Everything was either too slutty, (short, sleeveless or low cut) or else it looked like I was about 80 years old. My feet were killing me ( I had worn a pair of flip flops that were not a good choice)

Anyway, that mall is huge, and after I had made my way from one end to the other and back again, I had had it. So I go to leave back in Macey's and there are no doors where I am supposed to go out! I got to second guessing myself..." did I park here or at Dillards?" So I walk clear back to the other side of the mall to Dillards...."Nooooooo that's not it!"

By this time, I was ready to cry. When the sales women in Dillards asked me if she could help me, I had a vision in my mind of me exploding into tears and screaming at her..."NO! You can't help me! My mom just died, my feet are killing me, I can't find a stupid dress to wear,, and I lost my car!"

Haven't you always wanted to do that? When they ask so sweetly " How are you today?"...don't you ever just want to tell them...how you REALLY are?

Well I mumbled something to her with tears running down my face, ( she probably thought I was a psycho) and headed back down to Maceys.

When I got there, I realized there are two floors, and I had come in on the top floor...Yes! there's those doors that I came in through! I was never so happy to just sit down in my car, so I just sat there and had a good cry.

Those were just a couple of examples...there was more that I won't go into right now.

Anyway, this grief packet told me that these behaviors are all "normal"....that's good to know! I like how one of the things is that you feel like you're going crazy! I coulda used that info back then!!

It mentioned a bunch of other things people go through when they lose someone they love..a lot of them really hit home with me...

A feeling of emptiness

Weight gain...(trying to fill up the empty feeling but I think it's my heart thats empty, not my stomach)

I seriously can hardly do up my pants.

Decreased energy, motivati0n... Ahhhhhhh I just don't feel like doing anything!

Overly sensitive to noise. ( I keep thinking we need it to be quiet so mom can sleep)

Anxiety... panic attacks...can't make a decision

Can't sleep...that's nothing new

Keep feeling like I need to hurry home to be with mom

Absent -minded...forgetting to do important things...can't remember where I parked the car, stuff like that.

Decrease in activity...just sitting there on the couch ... I used to always try to at least be doing some stitchery or something productive while I was sitting there...now...what-ever.

Restlessness...feel like I should be doing something, but don't know what.

Forgetfulness

Feeling useless

Dread: fear of others that I love dying.

I know things will get better in time....some of these feelings are starting to ease up and diminish...Just gotta be patient with myself...sure grateful for good people around me that have been so patient with me too!

I try to picture myself having another chance to sit and talk with mom...to be able to tell her about how I've been feeling, and everything that's been going on. She was always there for me... with a comforting smile, a listening ear and good advice...she could somehow always make me feel better and like I was strong enough to get through whatever came my way. We would probably have a good laugh over some of the dumb things I do...

Sure do miss you mom.