losing it...

Don't mean to always be such a downer, but today was really stupid. It started when I was taking mom her breakfast and tripped over the laundry basket that I had left at the top of the stairs...sending her glass of orange juice flying all over the kitchen floor and the clean clothes in the laundry basket . That will teach me to put the clothes away. Then a little while later, Candice called me and ever so kindly asked me why I had booked her flight home from California leaving out of Phoenix. WHAT? Did I really? yup I did. When I went to find a flight for her, all the information from Phoenix just came up because that was the last place I flew. Somehow, it didn't click in my brain that we weren't going there. I had even called Candice and asked her if I should get the insurance in case we needed to change it....oh no...it will be fine! Candice has a heart of gold though and could hear me coming apart on the other end of the line, so she quickly added that she had already talked to Camille and they are planning on coming home on Sunday night, so Candice can ride with them to Phoenix, then fly home from there in the morning. Wow, what a blessing! Wow I am losing it! I have been officially banned from ever booking any flights ever again! I had an appointment to get my hair done this afternoon, but Keelee called and said she had a cancellation in the morning, so I took it...hoping mom would sleep most of the time. We got to chatting like we always do (why is it so easy to open up to your hair dresser?) and she asked me how mom was doing...she remembers mom fondly from years ago when her and Camille and Katie Child went up there and stayed with her. I told her a little about the struggles she is having right now, and she said something about how I was having a most beautiful mansion being built in heaven right now for the service I was giving her. I didn't know I had all this built up inside me, but when she said that, the flood gates were opened and I just sat there and bawled for a minute. Like I said...totally unexpected. Keelee is a dear...very understanding after what she has been through with her own mother. I think I'm going to blame my irrational crying and lack of brain function on this drug the Dr. has me taking for my womanly problems. When he gave it to me, he said there may be some moodiness and irritability. HA! I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin! I toss and turn all night..(we've been over that ) having gross night sweats and crazy anxiety. I tried to call the doctor today to talk to him about it, but both he and his nurse were in surgery today. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I think unless he can find something different for me to take, the surgery would be better. It's a good thing I have pretty wonderful family and friends that lift me up, listen to me, and make me feel a little less crazy. ( and can make me laugh about doing dumb stuff like I do!) I received some sweet messages from friends and family that sure brightened my day! Stacey came over tonight to give me a hug and to listen. love her! She is going through such a hard time with her own mom right now...she has full on Alzheimer's but keeps clinging to life. There is no way they could care for her at her home, so she is in a nursing home. Stacey has to constantly plead with the care givers there to be more aware of her needs and take better care of her. Very heartbreaking. I am glad that mom is in the condition she is that makes it possible for me to care for her. She has had a pretty good day today. When I think about it, I got nothing to complain about.