I've been putting off talking about this...I guess because it doesn't seem real to me yet.  It's been almost three months and I still think we should be going over to Kelley's dad's house to visit every Sunday afternoon, but then, he's not there.  I didn't think I would feel such a void without him, but it's there and it's huge. And I know Kelley is feeling it too, only so much more.
Lisle's health has been slowly declining this past year, (I mean at 93, he was still absolutely amazing and awesome and could do everything for himself, even take care of Pat, which was pretty much a full time job) up until about six months ago.  Then it just seemed like he went downhill really fast.
Like I said, he had been taking care of Pat (ironically Pat had said he was going to be staying with his dad so he could take care of him), and with all of Pat's health problems that was no easy task.
Pat had some issues...addictions which led to many other problems...pain killers, alcohol, other crap which led to his ultimate demise. But in the past few years, he has been in and out of the hospital for several problem... and always, Kelley's dad was there to take care of him, drive him to the doctors, stay with him in the hospital for hours on end, make sure he had everything he wanted, cook meals, wash his clothes and bedding and clean up after him.  Pat would make huge plates (yes multiple plates at one time) of food, then not eat any of it....not to mention all the food he would buy (Costco style) that would go bad because there was no possible way to eat that much food!  I could seriously go on for a week about Pat's hoarding problems. 
Lisle would try to get Pat to take his medications (this really tore at my heart, watching him write down all the prescriptions Pat was supposed to be taking, then each day, checking them off as he took them so they would remember...(this got to be quite a problem in the end...Pat was either not taking what he was supposed to or taking it several times, either to try to make himself feel better, or forgetting that he had already taken it) and just having to take care of him like he was a little boy again when Pat would be out of his mind and do crazy stuff.  And I'm sure there was a lot of stuff that went on that I don't know anything about.  Lisle was fiercely loyal to Pat and wouldn't leave him alone.  We would try to get him to go fishing with us, but he never would unless Pat felt up to going too.  
It got to be where Lisle wasn't sleeping because he was afraid of the things Pat would do when he got up in the night and went wandering around.  With Pat's liver disease, his body would build up with ammonia (his belly would get really big) and it would make him lose his mind....I'm talking full on nut job.  He would hallucinate and see  people that were coming to take his things or kill him.  He called 911 several times and told them about the men who were breaking into the house.  He would get out his guns and wander around the yard looking for the bad guys. (this was when Kelley took the guns ( and there were a lot of them!  Pat loved his guns!) to our house. Pat really wanted to drive, but for obvious reasons had been told he could not!  They took the keys to his truck after an incident, then he tried to take Lisle's car.  Lisle would hide the keys, but Pat would find them, so Lisle would keep them in his pocket, which Pat tried several times to take while he was sleeping.  One night when he couldn't get the keys to the car, he just took off walking.  Kelley's dad called Kelley in the night and said Pat was gone so Kelley heads over there (one of the many times Kelley went over there in the middle of the night )  He came home a few hours later and said they had found him at the convenience store down the street.  Um, yeah, he just needed some stuff.
 One day when we were over visiting, Pat asked me if I would take this stack of leather jackets he had set neatly by the door.  He said the "men" were coming to take all of his valuable things.  I was just like...ummmm OK Pat.  I will take them and keep them safe for you. (Kelley would usually set Pat straight and tell him things were not like he thought, but I just thought, what's the point?  he cannot be persuaded or reasoned with.
The whole situation was really just heartbreaking and frustrating and aggravating as we watched it take it's toll on Kelley's dad.  Kelley was going over there every day and cleaning up whatever disaster had happened the night before.  He would come home physically and emotionally drained as he would try to do all he could to make the situation better, but could see it was just getting worse every day.
Kelley's brothers were kind of oblivious (or maybe just didn't want to see it) up until the last couple months of what was really going on in that house.  Kelley would tell Chris, but I don't think he really realized how bad it was until he came and spent several days with  them.  Kelley kept telling all of them that Pat needed to go into a care facility where he could get round the clock help...that it was literally killing their dad to try to take care of him.They had talked with Pat's doctor and she agreed wholeheartedly, and recommended a nice care facility.
So they got all the arrangements made (Kelley's dad was pretty hesitant at first....I think he felt like he was letting Pat down) then tried explaining it to Pat.  He was not for having it and tried every way possible to get out of it, but after much talking to, resigned himself to the fact that this was what was going to happen. (He told Candice in one of his lucid moments that "people go into those places, but they never come out")  I didn't blame him for not wanting to go there...even though it was a nice place, when he was in his right mind, he knew that it was true, he wouldn't be coming home again.
It was really strange to see the change in Kelley's dad once Pat was out of the house.   It was like a big sigh of relief and now I can just let go and slip away.  I've thought about this a lot, wondering if Pat gave grampa a reason to get out of bed every day and keep on living...with him being cared for now by someone else, it was OK for him to go.
The decline was pretty astonishing to see...it seemed like he went from positive, talkative, grampa to this little old man who sat quietly with the oxygen machine by his side and a blanket around his skinny shoulders.  (He had been losing weight slowly over the past few months, but then when he wasn't fixing meals for Pat, I think he just didn't feel like eating himself and would really have to be coaxed)  He wasn't able to get to the bathroom in time so he had to wear depends.  He really hated that. When I asked him how he was feeling he said "I feel like hell!" 
Once Pat was out of the house, the goal was to clean out his bedroom.  Those hoarding shows had nothing on this room.  It would have been condemned if the authorities had seen it.  There was so much stuff in this room, you had to move things just to make a path to get in.  I won't go into details, but just say that it was really bad.  Grandma would have just died to see that pretty room turned into this.
So the brothers went to work...hauling out mountains of clothes (he had more clothes than anyone I had ever seen...real nice clothes!  He was just like his mom that way...would only buy the best and had several of each item???)to Pat's storage unit.  It took days to even make a dent in it. 
Also at this time, they realized that Lisle couldn't be alone anymore, so they were taking turns  staying there at the house. This went on for several days, then they decided to just have Kim kind of move in with him.  Kelley still went over there and spent the days with his dad, but Kim would be there every night with him.
Well they finally got down to the bottom of the piles in Pats room, moved the bed and furniture and cleaned the carpet ( and walls).  When they put the room back together, it was really beautiful! They ceremoniously helped Lisle into the room so he could see what they had done.  I think a few tears were shed that day.
Kelley's dad was having some good, but mostly pretty rough days at this point.  I talked to Katie and told her he wouldn't be with us much longer.  She flew home that weekend.  Camille came up here that week with her family too.  We went over there and had a real good visit with  Lisle one night.  Kate had him telling stories that had us all laughing ( I recorded a few I will try to put on here...they are priceless to me now) and he was able to meet Emily and hold her.  It was a pretty special time I'll treasure and tuck away in my heart to remember when I'm missing him.
It was just a couple days later when Kelley called me and said grampa was gone.  Him and Chris had been with him that morning when he had passed.  He had seemed OK, but had asked for some aspirin and to be propped up in bed. Kelley helped sit him up, then he started to cough, his eyes rolled back and he was gone.
We were all glad he could go so quickly and not suffer the way Maxine did.  No death is easy, but hers was horrible.
It was interesting to watch how each of the brothers dealt with this.  They are seriously each so different.  It was also interesting to see them plan their dads funeral.  They spent many hours together talking and reminiscing and decided they would all say a few words at the funeral.  Mark wrote the obituary and did a real nice job. Being guys, they didn't think too much about music or flowers.  I tried to help out a little there and rounded up all the grand kids  and great grand kids to sing I am a child of God and Families are forever. 
We were trying to come up with a place to do the flowers...Camille was checking out the Internet and came across this place called Daliahs.  She said it had gotten good reviews, so Katie and I went to check it out. As soon as we walked in the door and met the owner, we knew this had been a tender mercy for Camille to find this place.  This girl was nothing short of amazing.  She talked to us for a little while, asked us about Lisle and what he would have liked, then told us some ideas she had.
Lisle had always loved red roses and asked specifically for them so we did one big spray with those.  It was really cool though how she wove in other twigs and greenery to make it look very manly.  We had told her that he liked fishing so she asked if we could bring her some of his fishing gear.  Kelley found some cool lures and ice fishing poles and we took them back to her. This arrangement was really cool!  She used burlap ribbon and big orange Lily's, yellow star mums and some red roses, with bells of Ireland for greenery...so beautiful! She worked the poles into it and had the lures on the ribbon and a big deep sea fishing( Lisle's favorite) lure on the pole.  We had so many people comment on the flowers...I would and have recommended this place to everyone.
In letting all the family know we had contacted Kelliann and Suzanne. They are so dear!  Even though they are cousins on Maxine's side of the family, they said they wanted to come out from Oklahoma for the funeral. We offered up our house for them to stay and they took us up on it. It was so nice to have them with us....I'm not going to lie, we had a very full house...with Camille's family and Katie here too, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  They were super helpful in everything we did and just a joy to have with us.
Friday evening they had a viewing over at McDougal mortuary.  It was wonderful to see the old friends from Kelley's  parents neighborhood. My dear sisters were so thoughtful and kind.....I was overwhelmed by the love and support we felt from them and of so many friends.
The funeral was just really nice.  all the brothers spoke and Lisle's bishop spoke too.  The  grand kids sang their song and I thought it sounded really nice.I know it was out of the comfort zone for several of them (these grand kids are about as diverse as you could ever find) so I was really proud of them for doing it.
It was pretty emotional at the cemetery to watch all those brothers (except Pat) carrying the casket to the grave site.  They asked Kevin to stand in as the last pall bearer.  Kevin and Lisle  had a pretty close relationship so I know it meant a lot to him to be able to do that.  There was again so much support from friends, neighbors, ward members and family.  We are very blessed.
The brothers had decided they wanted to put together their own luncheon.  I don't know why.  I didn't really love the idea, but tried to keep my mouth shut. We had everything set up in the back yard  Friday night so it was ready when we got done at the cemetery.  Chris had ordered food from Famous Daves and it was really good.  All the family came over and we had a good time visiting and reminiscing about grampa.  I was glad Warren and Myrna  had come from Arizona too. (Clyde's health kept him from coming with them...I surely thought he would go before Lisle...he has had a few episodes lately where they thought he was a goner)  It was nice to get to visit with them...they are the cousins you can always count on.  Good people  Kelley's whole family are good people.  I feel very blessed to have married into this crazy, loving, free spirited, caring, and  unpredictable family. There is never a dull moment, that's for sure. 
We are surely missing Lisle.  It was very hard for Kelley at first because he had been spending most every day there with his dad...taking that away leaves you feeling pretty empty.  I know it was time for Lisle to move on... he had lived a good long life  and he was ready to go.  The last few months of his life, he grew impatient as his health declined and he couldn't do the things he could just a few months earlier. He would say " I don't know why I'm still here...maybe the Lord doesn't want me!"
It  really was quite remarkable the way he maintained such good health and was able to get around, work in the yard, work in the temple, and drive his car right up until just a few months before he died.
But the greatest blessing was that his mind was clear and sharp right till the end.  He was always so great to talk to...I loved the Sunday afternoons we would spend with him.  He was always happy to see us and thanked us so much for coming to visit.  He was cheerful and positive and always had good stories to tell us.  He was very real and didn't put on for anybody.
He always interested in what we were doing and what each of the kids were up to..and I knew that he really loved each of our kids.  He would tell us all the time how much he admired them and the good people they had grown up to be. That means a lot to me.  I think the kids inherited a lot of their goodness from him.