Serendipity

I liked this quote from Linda and Richard Eyre that was in an article in the mormon times this morning in their column titled "Why serendipity is better than control"
 "In actual fact, we have control of a tiny island of things around which swirls a huge sea of uncontrollably and unpredictability, and our challenge is not to control this ocean, but to see it's beauty and appreciate it's waves and currents.
I've been having some real icky feelings lately and when I read this article, a light went on in my head and I understand  now why I've been feeling the way I had.
 I was afraid I was slipping into depression...can't sleep, feelings of dread and paranoia, loneliness,overwhelming sadness, crying anytime.  I know you wouldnt' think anything was wrong...on the outside, I try to put on my happy face and keep doing all the things that I normally do, but on the inside I'm screaming "what is wrong with me?"
I usually downplay my feelings and try to not let things get to me, or at least not let it show. (  I know, I know...one of these days, I'm going to explode!)
 Everyone has their ups and downs and I would normally get over any bad feelings in a day or two, and be just fine, but this had been consuming me for several weeks.
Last weekend I was feeling especially sad...missing my mom a lot, thinking about how we used to always go up there to work in her yard and watch conference with her.  I was missing my girls and my grand kids. 
Saturday afternoon, we were watching conference and I was texting Camille.  We talked about how we were both wishing we could be watching together.  Then she sent me one that made me stop and think.  She said " Are you snuggling on the couch with Dad and KC?"  I said "Yes!  Lizzy too."  She wrote back..."lucky."  Duh!  I am lucky, and so blessed!  I have so many wonderful things in my life!
She always helps me look at things in a positive way.  I was sitting there feeling so sorry for myself because things were not the way I wanted them to be, and I hadn't even acknowledged the wonderful blessing of having my amazing son and dear husband sitting right there next to me.   How many women were watching conference alone because their husbands and children aren't interested...or maybe they don't have anyone to watch it with at all.
Anyway, since then, I've been trying to look at things differently...and I'm feeling better. 
Then when I read this article, well it explained a lot. ( I'm not really crazy!) It talks about how we sometimes want to control everything going on around us...family, friends, and the circumstances we are placed in...we plan, make lists, goals, and when things don't go the way we had planned or wanted, we get frustrated, sad, feel out of control and like a failure.  ( my disclaimer...I am not a control freak...I  don't try to control anything but my own  little life...that's all I can handle!  So this is a surprising discovery for me!  I think being unable to control just a few things in my life ( they are really important things to me!),makes me let these bad feelings creep into my heart.) 
He tells the fable about three princes who go out in search of their fortune.  None of them finds a fortune, but all of them, through their awareness and perception, find things that are better than a  fortune...love, truth and opportunities to serve.  They are able to make these discoveries because they notice things that other people miss, and thus find unexpected joys and opportunities...He calls this serendipity..."A state of mind whereby a person, through awareness, and sensitivity frequently finds something better than that which he was seeking."
He goes on to say that we control very little, and God controls all.  His gifts are all around us, along with his opportunities and incredible beauties, and we just need the awareness and spiritual sensitivity to see them. He said we need to ask for God to guide us and inspire us so we can find and rejoice in serendipity more than in control.
I think instead of dwelling on the things I want to be different in my life right now, I will embrace the many wonderful blessings I have been given and seek out the true fortunes...love, truth, and  opportunities to serve.