Letting go...

This has been a rough weekend.  We knew it was coming, but for me, I guess I had just put it on the back burner...thinking maybe some miracle would happen that would change everything and make this reality go away. But it didn't, the process went forward, and we sold the house.
When things fell through with Mardene, we decided to see what kind of response we would get by putting a for sale sign in front of the house.  We put Brenda's phone number on it to call if anyone was interested since she was most available to show it to people.  She got a lot of calls and showed the house to several people.  There were several that just came up and knocked on the door too.  We had asked Faith and Aaron to let them look around a little, then to call Brenda if they were really interested.
There were  three sound offers on the house...we went over each one carefully, weighing the pros and cons.  A letter from the one we chose, helped us a lot in our decision.
This man told us how he had admired mum and daddy's place for years and was so excited when he saw it go up for sale.  He said if he could get it, he would not tear down any of the buildings, but restore them to their original state.  He  said him and his wife love yard work and gardening and flowers and want to make the yard look like it did years ago.   He has a young family and loves the idea of having this beautiful place for them to grow up in.
That kind of sealed the deal for us.  Pretty much everything we could have wanted to happen!
So we all agreed to tell him we would accept his offer. ( with a few minor adjustments)
We told him that there was still so much to do in cleaning out the house and out buildings...we were going to need a little time.  He was very understanding and said although he would want to start working on the house remodeling, we could have till June 1st  to get all the stuff out of the house.  Really???  When I told Katie this, she said it was pretty much unheard of to give us this much time.
Truly a tender mercy we have been given.
Saturday morning, we all met again and went over the offer and made an addendum satisfying his and our concerns.  Then Brenda said.."well, Boyd needs this offer to give to his bank to go forward with his financing...so are we ready to sign it?"  We all just sat there like deer in the headlights. 
I think this was the first time it had really seemed real...no backing out, changing our minds, lets think about it some more, or what ifs...It was really happening....and it hurt...a gut wrenching, heart aching hurt.
So we all agreed...(very reluctantly on Teina's part...we had all hoped and wished so much for someone in her family to be able to buy the place)  to sign the papers...."You go first...no, you go, awwww I can't, no, you go..."  you get the picture.  Then the tears.  Man this is hard.
After Boyd left, we tried to pull ourselves together to get through the rest of the day.
I took some left-overs from bunko up there for our lunch.  So after a beautiful prayer from Leslie, pleading for some peace in our hearts, we ate and then went to work.

I hadn't really said much to my family about it...I've almost felt like I was betraying them by agreeing to sell the place.  They love it so much too and have tons of happy memories with grandma and grampa there.  Anyway, somehow they knew I was struggling that day and called me with words of love and support.  That meant a lot to me.

So grateful for a sweet, thoughtful husband who knows my heart and can always make me feel like everything will be ok and will work out the way it's supposed to.  Love him a lot.

 I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and the experiences I've had growing up and then with my own family in that beautiful, unique yard and home. Then as we contemplated selling the place, all those feelings and memories have come real close to the surface.  They are memories and feelings  that are such a big part of me, I never want to lose or forget them.

Lisa wrote some thoughts  about selling the house that rung true with me...that while we still had the house, we could resist thinking about the finality of mum and daddy really being gone.  Now with the house gone, there was no going back. 

The memories really are from being there with mum and daddy  and now they are gone, it doesn't feel the same.  I still get a peaceful calm feeling when I pull in the driveway, but in the house, you don't feel the loving warmth that would envelope you before when they were there.

As we took down the pictures and things in the living room,  well it was just pretty sad.  But then the this quote came to me that I've always liked....Don't cry because it's over...smile because it happened."

Very simple but good advice.   I'm trying...

So I got to lead the music in sacrament meeting today for the first time.  This has been a long time coming which is fine by me!
Right after we had all the changes with the ward, I got a call from Bonnie Scharman who was in the RS presidency at the time.  She asked if I would substitute leading the music in Relief society  till they found someone.  I was like.. sure I can do that.  Then when I got there to do it,  the lady playing the piano said she would just as soon  lead as play and I said well that will work out just fine cause I do not especially like to lead!   So we traded spots and I thought that was the end of it.   A few weeks later, Tina asked me if I had been in to see the bishop about my new little calling.  I said no...  Then went home and asked Kelley what was going on.  He said he wasn't really sure. 
Well that Wednesday night, he told me I was supposed to go see the bishopric.    When I went in, I met with Josh and Bob.  They seemed kind of confused as to what my calling was...kind of whispering together, then said  "Oh yeah..sister Roth wants you to lead the music in Relief Society.  I was like....hmmmmm ok.  I can do that.
Well the next Sunday, I thought they would sustain me....they put about 30 other people in callings but not me.  I asked Kelley why they didn't put me in.  He said " hmmmm I think they might have something else in mind for you.
 So the next week, I thought they would have said something to Tina, but when it came time to start RS, there was no one else jumping up to do the job and Tina looked at me and mouthed..."have you been called?"  I  didn't know what to do, so I just went up there and led the music.
This went on for one more week, then I was told to go see the bishopric again.  I went in on Wednesday night and Josh and Bob said they had something different  for me...how about leading  the music in Sacrament meeting!  Oh boy!   Really? I was pretty apprehensive,  but  said I would do it.
I thought they would put me in that next Sunday, but they didn't.  I asked Kelley why they didn't put me in.  He said they hadn't had a chance to meet with the present chorister to tell her she was going to be released.  So it would be another week.  I was totally fine with that!
The next week, they released Merrilee and put me in.  After the meeting, she came up to me and gave me a big hug and said she had loved that calling, but was ok with the change.  Oh man...I  was not feeling so good about that.  She has got to be the most poised, perfect, graceful lady I know!  When she leads the music, she has this look of serenity and calmness on her face that is just kind of comforting.    She looks out over the audience and smiles at everyone, then leads beautifully...hardly ever glancing down at the book. She has had some hard things in her life lately so the bishopric thought they should ease her responsibilities at church. 
Anyway, I knew I could never replace her....she has been doing this job since...well lets just say I remember her leading when we were together with this ward 20 years ago!
As I thought of how wonderful she is, I had great fears welling up in my mind.   I thought about how sometimes if I don't know the song very well,  ( or even if I do know it!) I get so flustered, I forget what time signature I'm even leading in!   Pretty much the opposite of serenity.   Oh dear..
Well then the next week, we had regional conference so I was off the hook for one more week...but today finally rolled around and my number was up.
I had gotten a call from the music chairman with the songs we would be singing and talked to the organist at the stake dinner.  She was super nice...and said she would practice with me before church if I was nervous.  I told her I would come  to church a little early so we could go over them.
Before church today, KC played the songs on the piano so I could practice leading them.  He is a peach.  I got to church in time to put the song numbers up and to  talk with the organist about the songs...she had some good tips for me...  I was pretty impressed that the organist could talk to me and play the organ at the same time.  She said she plays the organ at the baptistery at the temple every Saturday, so she has gotten pretty good at it!  We were able to chat for a bit and found out that we have a lot in common.
As the bishopric came up to sit on the stand, they all wished me luck.  Bishop Blake said " all you have to do is get up there and smile and everything will work out"  Ok!  I can do that!
So I got up there to lead the opening song.  Looking out over the congregation while she played the introduction, I saw a sea of friendly faces...I don't know many of them, but when I smiled at them, they smiled back at me!  I was instantly put at ease.
Then I looked down at Merrilee Cooke. She was smiling up at me and gave me a thumbs up.  I got kind of choked up, but smiled back at her.  She is a great lady.
Well I made it through the songs with only a few flub ups.  People were really nice to say I had done a good job. 
I know it's just an easy calling and I shouldn't be so worried about it, but this is really out of my comfort zone.  I don't like being up in front of people...much more comfortable behind the piano.  But I guess it will get easier the more I do it.

A few things from the past few days...

KC an I went over to Willow pond to try a little fishing.  It was windy with a new storm headed our way, but that made it  pretty warm too.  We didn't have any luck fishing but a good time anyway.

I wanted to get all the flower pots in before the storm came so I had KC  help me move them into the garage. Look at what we found when we moved the pots!

I brought my hibiscus in before it froze so now it thinks it is summer time again!

Nope....this is what it looked like the next day.

Kelley and I went to a stake dinner Friday night.  It was kind of strange.  We walked  into the gym and  felt like we were at someone elses stake function.

We looked around for any familiar faces and  after searching, saw a few from the other part of our new ward.   I don't know any of them very well yet.     Seems like we always stick close to those we know the best and feel comfortable around.  I guess that's just human nature.    It was good to have a chance to get to know these new people better. 

This is the exciting part though...after a nice dinner, they announced that the program was going to be by the Janeen Brady singers!  Ha!  What a great surprise.  She is one of my hero's! 

She came out and introduced her choir, the piano player and the gal who would be leading them.   I was kind of surprised to see that she had gotten old!  Very beautiful still though!   I expected to see the Janeen Brady that I remembered from 30 years ago when I was introduced to the Brite tapes. 

We had them all and the girls and  I can still sing most of the songs from them!  The girls grew up with these playing while they followed along in the books at home or while driving in the car. 

They each have such a great message that teaches them good stuff about how to get along in life.

There was a virtue taught in each one...gratitude..".when you have a gratitude attitude"..... honesty... "I TOLD THE TRUTH!, dependability  ..."I am captain dependable..you can always count on me!", being happy  " Oh king daddy I want to be happy!"  Work... "do a little work do a little work do a little work Obedience...I'm the little pig with the curly tail!  Cleanliness...wash your hair wash your hair..keep it shiny  forgiveness and courage.   I could go on and on...then there was the Safety kids....where they all learned their phone number to a catchy tune and also that 'sometimes you just have to yell and scream!' and the Body machine...it's super keen and awesome as it can be!

Wow I am really grateful for talented...or in her case gifted people who  have helped countless kids learn these truths and ingrained them in their lives. 

I had to tell her after the program ( which was really neat...mostly songs that she had written for Christmas) how I admired her and thanked her for sharing her talent and teaching my kids how to behave.

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful  parents!

This is the first anniversary they will be celebrating together in heaven.

I know there has been much longing from mum as she awaited patiently the time when they would be together again...she would put daddy's picture right next to her bed where she could lay there and look at him.  Sometimes I would walk in her room and find her gazing at his picture with so much love in her eyes...I felt like I was interrupting an intimate moment between them.

I can just imagine their celebration today...probably a lot like they did here on earth only much more glorious!  It would involve a stroll through the flower gardens, then inside to sit together with a bowl of popcorn, some butter to dunk it in and a glass of pepsi, and the cross word puzzle to do.

I think that's what kept their marriage so strong...they were happy with the simple things in life...being with family and friends...tending to their garden, serving others.  They never criticized or found fault with each other, or with anyone else, but always found the good.

           Thank you for teaching me through your example all that I want my marriage to be!         

Happy Together Forever!

Halloween

Here's a few pictures from Halloween time...

The ward did a trunk or treat party Friday night that was a lot of fun.  They had a pot luck dinner, then judged costumes and pumpkins.  Then we all went outside for trick or treating.

I had never done one before so was surprised to find out how people go all out to decorate their cars!  There was some really cute ones.  I found this scary ghost that moved and made scary sounds and hung it in the back of the car.  Then I put up a string of ghost lights and had them deeper in the car so it looked like they were floating behind the big ghost.  Kind of cool.

I had made about a hundred popcorn balls for the event, but ran out  so we had to shut our trunk!

This Red Riding hood-Big bad wolf costume was one I think Katie or Camille used for a daddy daughter party in YW  years ago.    It was kind of fun cause people couldn't tell who I was...until I was standing next to Kelley. I actually scared a few youngsters and had to take my mask off to show them it was just me.

 Candice came over after work on Halloween and we tried to find a costume for her to wear out trick or treating with Curtis and Benny.  I didn't remember this tweety being so small! The body part  was about  for the size of a four year old! 

Curtis and Ben came over and had dinner with us before they went out trick or treating.  He is a cute little guy with a fun personality.

I made popcorn balls all day...I don't know why it took me so long this year.  I ended up with about a hundred again.  I thought that would be enough with so many already having gone to the trunk or treat.  Nope.  The trick or treaters came in droves.  Then lots of the moms and dads would come to the door for a popcorn ball too.    I ran out about 8:30...and had to give them a handful of Rollo's and Reese's.    Ah well...I guess you better show up early if you want a popcorn ball!

I got a call from Judy asking if I was doing popcorn balls this year...her grown kids were taking their kids around and she said they would come over if I was giving them out.  Ha ha..I said " sure I am!"    I sent a bag of them home for Judy too.  She is a peach.

I was sure missing Olivia and Sam this year. The fun of Halloween is watching the excitement and fun of the kids. It was fun to see all the kids who grew up with our kids and now have kids of their own come around trick or treating. It's great that they still come back to this neighborhood.   Camille sent me some great pictures of their Halloween fun though.  Olivia was Super girl and Sam was Yoda.

Camille did a great job with Sam's costume...I'm so impressed by the way she can just make something like this up with no pattern.  So cute!  I could just eat him.

Daddy's Tahiti trunk

All of us girls got together again last Saturday.  We decided we needed to step up the going through, cleaning out adventures as we were definitely running out of warm days and there was still some work to be done in the out buildings.

First we had to talk over some more serious matters though.  Brenda has been getting a lot of calls  from people wanting to look at the house.  She has been over several times to show it and there have been three people who have given us serious offers.  So now we needed to decided what to do.

One of the offers was from the son of one of mum and daddy's good friends the Flammers.  He has four little boys and wanted the big yard for them to play in.  He said he was fine with the condition of the house and wouldn't be tearing any of the buildings down.  He sounded like the perfect buyer...then he said he would have to sell his house first.   ( he also added all these stipulations to the written offer that were kind of dumb and wanted us to pay the closing costs...which brought the price way down.)\

We had another offer from a guy that lived in Providence who is a developer...he offered quite a bit less, but said he had cash.  He was kind of rude though sooooo, hes out.

The last guy had come over to look at the house with an older man and Brenda thought it was the older man who was wanting the house.  Come to find out, he was just a friend of this guy, who was going to help him with any renovations that needed to be done to the house. 

He made a good offer and what really made us all hope he could get the house was this letter he wrote along with his offer.  He said he just lives west of mum and has had his eye on the place for years.  He said with the help of his friend, they want to restore all the buildings to the best condition they can be.

Since the old house is on the historical registry, he wants to restore that too and have it be a show piece.

This friend of his has done this with several of old homes and historical buildings.  He said he loves to do landscaping and yard work and his wife loves flowers.  It really sounded like an answer to our prayers.

We had a few questions we wanted to ask him, so Brenda called him to see if he could come over and talk to us.  A little later, we were just coming out of the old house and there was this young guy...he looked like he was about 25?  walking up the driveway.  I went up and met him, and was very surprised to learn that he was the guy who wanted to buy the house!  He really seemed young!  But as I talked with him, I could see that he knew what he was doing and seemed like a real nice guy.

We asked him about moving the time back when we would have to be out of the house...there is still so much to do, and Faith and Aaron will be there till the middle of December.  He was fine with when ever we said...he said he does not have to sell his house right away and will just work on mums place as he lives in his house.  He has 3 little kids and was excited about the prospects of a fun yard for them to grow up in.

We told him we would talk some more about it and get back to him.

 So with that done, we went over to the old house to go through what was left over there.

There were some fun things...

A ton more old books.  Most of them were uncle Boot's.  Man I don't know how he ever read so many books! 

We found bags with the Easter baskets and some plastic eggs with all of our names and our kids names on them. That sure pulled at my heart....I have so many wonderful memories of Easter growing up and when our kids came along too.  Mum and daddy always made it special.  Hunting for Easter baskets was always so fun and kind of magical in that huge yard.  We would spend hours looking!

Daddy would give hints if we started getting discouraged.  There were so many places to hide a basket!  When it rained, he would find places that would keep it dry, or in one of the buildings. 

We went through all the shelves and cupboard in the tiny kitchen...there are a lot of old records and games and puzzles.

I even ventured down into the cellar.  Super creepy. They had a two year supply of toilet paper and a really old stove top and an invention of daddy's we couldn't quite figure out what it was for!

There was a bag of mum's old craft stuff...little pieces of felt, sequins, pompoms, glitter...took me back to the days when mum would do fun little crafts with us...we would rarely get bored or watch tv...she would have us doing mosaics or noodle art or paint by numbers or mod podge or gather flowers and leaves and dry or press them flat and make pictures with them.  Wow, how lucky we were to have such a great childhood.  I thank my Heavenly Father every day for the blessing of being born into such a wonderful family.

We saved daddy's trunks he brought home from Tahiti till the last because we wanted to savor every piece in them. We decided to take them over to the house cause it was really cold in the old house...even with the heaters on, you could see your breath.

We were pretty amazed at the stuff he had brought home from his mission.  So many really cool grass skirts decorated with beads and shells.  Lots of head dresses made of shells.  Really cool embroidery hand work...some with Daddy's name on it and some other tahitian words we were trying to figure out.

 This umbrella was about the coolest thing.  It was totally hand made and in perfect condition.    Lots of handmade bags and purses...

Really pretty necklaces, belts, bracelets...some cool carved wood little pots.

This turtle shell was really neat...I remember we used to have one he brought home that he had made into a light cover in the living room.

This dolly was my treasure.  There were lots of coins, bead necklaces and sea shells too...really pretty shells! These trunks had preserved all these things perfectly!

We were wishing daddy would have shown us these things and told us their story before he died.  He would let us get out the hula skirts and some fans and shells to take for school reports and other presentations, but most of this stuff, we had never seen before.

 I had told KC I wouldn't be late this time because Brenda and Leslie had a stake meeting they were going to that night.  We had good intentions, but didn't get on our way till about 7:00. 

Gosh I sure do love my sisters and find the hours we are together more precious each time we are together.  Soon we will be finished with this sweet task , the home will belong to someone else and this part of our lives will be memory. 

We won't have this place to come to to meet, laugh and talk and reminisce about our lives growing up there.   I think that is what makes me makes me most sad.  I know we have to let go and move on...I'm trying, but my aching heart is telling me it's going to take some time.

Fishing with the Cotners

Kelley had told Will that he would like to take him, his little boy Colton, and his dad up fishing on Tuesday.

All the weather forecasts said it was going to be COLD!  But Will had taken the day off work and we didn't know if we'd get another chance to go this year, so we went for it.

I may have mentioned this little boy before...we have babysat him some, and he loves to come over and look at the fish and see Keddy.  He is about the cutest kid you ever saw and sweet as can be, but he is the absolute busiest kid I've ever met.  He can't sit still for a second and ( I like Colleen's description of a two year old) watching him is like trying to control a blender without a lid!  He runs from one thing to the next,  he has no fear of anything...which causes some anxiety when he heads straight for the pond.

Anyway, I was a little nervous of having him on the boat....there are lots of poky, sharp things there and I wouldn't be one bit surprised to see him climb right over the edge and jump in. 

 And you know how guys are....Awwwww, he'll be fine...no worries!  The boat had not been child proofed,  in fact, there are lures and hooks all over the place... so I was a little bit worried.

He was pretty much mesmerized by all the buttons and knobs and switches on the dashboard of the boat.  Kelley held him and let him steer while he was driving the boat.  He loved that! He let him push the horn button while we were driving, but then told him not to  while we were fishing cause it would scare the fish away.  Ha!  As if!  Colton tried to not push the button, but it was just too much fun!

 He wanted to take off his shoes and socks so he could take a nap down under the cabin....that lasted for about  15 seconds.    But then he didn't want to put them back on again!

It was REALLY cold.  Not so bad when we first got there, but then the wind started to blow and it made it unbearable.  The men were all very manly though and powered through it...KC was up on the front of the boat...I don't know how he could stand it.  Will's dad said he was used to this kind of weather ( just moved here from Oregon) and stayed outside the whole time.. 

I was pretty content to just stay inside by the heater, play with Colton and watch my pole from there.  ( "Oh Kelley...would you bait my hook...and cast it out....and catch my fish for me?")  I got a few good bites, but didn't catch anything.  I guess that's the price I paid for fishing from inside the boat!

Kelley and KC caught a few...Will caught one too.

.

Colton had just gotten potty trained and was doing really well.  When he started doing the potty dance, Will asked him if he needed to make bubbles or poop.  He said he needed to poop.  Oh dear...our potty is only set up to handle pee.  Will had put a diaper on him cause he didn't know if he could go all day, so he told him to just go ahead and go in his diaper, then he would change it.  Colton  really didn't want to and I felt so bad that he had to do that.  Finally he said "I'm trying, but it's stuck!"  Ha Ha!  he is such a funny kid. 

Will had brought a whole cooler full of lunch for us all so that was really nice.  We stayed most of the day, trying a bunch of different spots, but never had a lot of luck.

There was a big bald eagle sitting on this rock...cant see it very well, but it was cool.

Kelley was taking a fish KC caught off the hook and the fish bit him!  Ha!  Just what that finger needed!

It was a fun day with their cute family!