My heart is aching tonight...aching for people I love that have very sad things in their lives right now. I know that's what we are here for...to be tested. But right now...it stinks.
I got a call tonight from Kelli ann. She is Kelley's first cousin from Oklahoma and just one of my favorite people on earth. They always come to visit when they are in town. They are just really down to earth people that are very easy to love.
Anyway, when she called tonight, I could hear in her hello that there was something wrong. She said that yesterday they had taken their 5th wheel up to to the Oklahoma football game ( huge fans) and when they had gone back to the trailer, Wayne was real short of breath. Then he fell back on the bed in pain. She called 911 and the paramedics got there right away. They did CPR, but couldn't bring him around and within a short period of time, he was gone.
I just can't even imagine what she is going through. They had both just recently retired and had all these plans of traveling and enjoying the rest of their lives together. He was not old and sure did not look like a candidate for a heart attack. I guess that just shows you that you just don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't know if I could bear my life without Kelley. He is everything to me.
This has been a strangely sad time as I see people all around me struggling with the challenges in their lives. Last week Robin came over and told us that she was going to be going back to Florida. She said her mother is dying of cancer and she needs to go be with her. She said she also has some serious health problems. What is even sadder is that she has never had a good relationship with her mother and was dreading being with her. So yesterday, Kelley and KC went over there and loaded all the things they could fit into this little uhaul. She gave everything she couldn't fit in the uhaul to us....boxes and boxes of stuff. From canned goods to bath towels. ( I think she may have gotten into the home shopping network) She had two big boxes of just stuff for the dogs. Dog sweaters and clothes??? with the tags still on them (she must have been planning ahead for the dogs first winter in a cold climate) a ton of dog toys ( brand new) dog dishes and leashes and collars. She had rugs that were still in the packages, new lamp shades, new garbage cans , lots of medical supplies ( from the hospital she worked at) kitchen gadgets and a washer and dryer. I felt terrible to even take these things...she said it was helping her to not have to worry about getting rid of them. We will have find someone who is in need.
We helped her load the last few things in her car and she brought out her one remaining dog (curly) in his little carrier and set him on the front seat beside her. We said goodbye and she drove away.
The sight of her pulling away with that little dog as her only companion left me with such a sad empty feeling. She has really been delt a rough hand in life.
Last week another good friend told me of the trial she is facing in her life right now. Her husband has kind of gone off the deep end. He has overnight turned into a hypochondriac....is sure he is dying from either a heart attack or cancer. They have made several trips to the emergency room in the last few weeks because he has been having anxiety attacks that he thought were heart attacks. They ran every test on him and even did one of those full body scans so they could rule out cancer too, but he is still sure he is dying. He doesn't want my friend to ever leave him because he doesn't want to die alone. He has always been a very stable, smart, capable man so this is a very radical change. My sweet friend is so worried and distraught. She hasn't slept for days and is on the verge of a break down herself. I can't even imagine how that would feel... dealing with medical problems is one thing, they are tangible...treatable... but mental problems are so foreign and untouchable. My heart aches for her.
I know and love another couple who has been trying and trying to have a baby...after so many tests and procedures...still no luck. That would be a tough one. Seems so unfair to these two who would be such wonderful parents....praying for them.
We went out to dinner Thursday night to celebrate Corrinne's, Brenda, Marsha and Diane's birthdays. It was a fun night and so good to be together. As we talked though, Corinne shared with us her fears as her father is slipping into alzheimers. What a hard thing to accept. Her dad has always been strong and taken care of their family...now the tables will turn and she will have to be the strong one. my heart goes out to her...alzheimers is such a wicked disease that robs these good people who have endured to the end of the last few good years of their lives. It turns them into some one who is mean and paranoid and unreachable. It's so sad to see anyone have to end their life this way. I am so grateful mum never got this....she was very forgetful, but she always knew us and was never mean. I remember mums sister Dyrene got alzheimers when she was only about 68 and she did turn very mean and unreasonable. Mum would go over there to care for her and she would lock the door and not let her in. She would yell awful things at mum through the door. Mum was forever kind and patient with her though and cared for her till she died.
The road ahead won't be an easy one for their family.
Other friends are dealing with choices their children have made that are taking them to some scary places. The fear of not knowing if your child will make it home alive or if you are going to have to go to the police station to find them is something they live with every day. Should you use tough love and throw them out? My heart aches for them and the decisions they are having to make right now.
These friends are some of the strongest people I know...all but my neighbor Robin have their own reservoir of faith that they can draw from to get through hard times so I know they will be ok. ( Robin told me she didn't want to have anything to do with any religion which made me sad for her at the time...she was so very alone here...I can't imagine not having my Heavenly Father to turn to when I am sad, or happy or just anytime...just know knowing He is there and He loves me and will help me has got me through the hardest things in my life. I always thought that just letting some people into her life would have made her happier...I'm sure there is a reason she felt the way she did. I'm just glad I got to know her and be her friend)
I guess everyone is fighting some battle...whether large and visible or small and hidden in the heart. I like that saying that tells us to be kinder than necessary to everyone...because we don't know what battle they are fighting right now.
